


The Clementine Disaster

by TheFlamingo013



Series: SakusaKiyoomi x MiyaShouyou [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Best cousin Komori, Best friend Ushijima, Crack, Hinata Shouyou is a Miya, M/M, Miya Family Dynamics, Not Beta Read, Overprotective Brothers, Sakusa Kiyoomi stupid in love, Sakusa Kiyoomi swears a lot, Unofficial established relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 09:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28468707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFlamingo013/pseuds/TheFlamingo013
Summary: Five steps to successfully becoming Miya Shouyou’s boyfriend as foretold by Sakusa Kiyoomi. Not that he’d ever give anyone the list. They’d had to pry it off his cold, dead body.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Atsumu & Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu & Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: SakusaKiyoomi x MiyaShouyou [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2159952
Comments: 35
Kudos: 229





	The Clementine Disaster

**Author's Note:**

> I have risen from the dead we call writer's block and adjusting to class schedule cause edu in ph is in a damn nutshell. Please accept this crackfic I've worked for weeks for stress relief. 
> 
> But first and foremost, I love reading everyone's comments, and I do apologize very much for not replying often. At the earlier times, I was still getting used to engaging with people in Ao3 but recently I've not done my end as the author and I'm very, very sorry for that. Just know every kudos and comment is a fuel in my motivational fire and I will make it up to my dearest readers for that. 
> 
> I'll be back on my updates for Heavy is the Crown. This year's goal is to mark that story complete. Again thank you for your support and patience, Enjoy and Happy reading! 
> 
> Warnings: Slightly OOC Sakusa Kiyoomi

**00**

The gates to the Miya House ominously loom over Sakusa Kiyoomi, warning him of his impending doom. Granted, he had brought this upon himself the moment he had laid eyes on the most beautiful creature that walked the face of the earth- Miya Shouyou.

With his clementine-colored hair and bright doe eyes, one could never tell that the love of Sakusa's miserable life was raised in a den of chaotic foxes from Inarizaki High, let alone a _Miya._

He was the youngest of the Troublesome Trio, the baby brother of _Miya fucking Atsumu-_ the owner of the city’s entire sewage in his personality and _Miya Osamu Moo-_ who was the embodiment of human gluttony himself, should he fall at a dangerously low, hunger level.

But Shouyou was Shouyou. The same boy whose obnoxious presence was bright enough to soothe Sakusa out of his mini-panic attack in a dirty public restroom post- Interhigh Nationals. To comfort him at a safe distance, no unnecessary touching and questions asked, just Shouyou coaxing him _to breathe._

Even if Inarizaki’s #10 had single-handedly stolen his away.

Back at the present, Sakusa mulls over the huge possibility that he was not coming out of the Miya House alive. It would be auspicious should anyone find his remains before Atsumu and Osamu could dance over it. Then a nice funeral full of sunflowers and a pathetic number of people practicing social distancing would take place, with Shouyou in a black veil mourning over him as he delivers a heartfelt speech akin to a widow’s. Komori would cry for a bit, and then be compensated with Sakusa’s college fund for putting up with him all these years while Ushijima gets to have his room since he was the only one capable of maintaining it.

_Bzzzzztttt!!!_

The vibration on his pocket snaps him out of his grisly daydreaming. It was from the love of his miserable life.

**From. Miya Shouyou**

_I can hear your thoughts from up here. There will be no funerals._

_9:03 am_

It may not look like it but Sakusa was smiling underneath his facemask. Honest. Then another text.

**From. Miya Shouyou**

_Should I come down? We can go in together._

_9:07 am_

Now those words just made Sakusa’s heart swell three sizes bigger. Leave it to his perfect, little (unofficial but soon to be official) boyfriend to make sure he was all but uncomfortable.

Just like how natural it came to touching him, holding his hand, sending him spicy chocolates for valentines, and scheduling custom-ordered coffee deliveries as Sakusa prepares for his college entrance exams. Loving each other came _so naturally_ for them. And then that kiss, their first scandalous kiss even though they weren’t 'legally' dating yet-

****

**_To. Miya Shouyou_ **

_No. I’ll ring the door up now. Be there in a minute._

_9:13 am_

He takes eight deep breaths, finding difficulty in his facemask before completely removing it. The Miya Trio may be used to his mysophobia but he’s pretty sure their parents aren’t and Sakusa wouldn’t want their first impression of him to be a rude city fellow before they kill him.

Thus with a bouquet of sunflowers and a basketful of clementines, he rings the doorbell, all the while sending a prayer to the high heavens above that he makes it out in one piece, with a boyfriend hopefully.

* * *

**Step 1. Resign to your fate. Accept that you are completely and helplessly in love with him.**

**Feedback: It's easier to admit liking Miya Shouyou than running from his brothers.**

* * *

Sakusa Kiyoomi abhors a lot of things- big and rowdy crowds, public restrooms, weak volleyball teams with unvaccinated players, reckless people, and the Miya twins to name a quarter of that long list. The most recent especially, raking itself all the way to number one should those two hellions continue to breathe in his presence.

He should’ve known, really, that one Miya was enough. The experience of being Atsumu’s roommate during their first All-Japan Youth training camp taught him that much. While the eldest was an incredibly talented setter with tosses easy to hit, Sakusa could never get past his pigsty. The man was an absolute mess- from his eating habits to his dirty laundry bin.

Then he meets the second Miya, the supposedly nicer and cooler twin, until he shook Osamu’s hand on their freshman Spring Nationals, unwashed and sticky from the rice ball he had been eating in between their timeouts. The adrenaline from winning immediately vanished as half of Itachiyama held Sakusa back from throttling Osamu across the court while the latter had the _audacity_ not to give a single fuck. 

That’s when Sakusa decides he has had _enough_ , and he’s pretty sure the twins share the sentiments too.

But through it all, there were some conditional exemptions, little things that count and make his life in this germ-infested world worthwhile such as a box of all-purpose Lysol lavender spray, volleyball, playing against Wakatoshi in said volleyball then winning, the inventions of humidifiers, Komori if he’s feeling generous and finally, Miya sunshine-incarnate Shouyou.

Now how did Itachiyama’s resident germaphobe and a nationally-ranked spiker of his division level come to know the third Miya, supposed bane of his existence?

Simple. Second-year Interhigh, hiding in a disgusting public comfort room to avoid his captain’s fan club. Earlier that day, Sakusa had to go through two mini-panic attacks, one of which occurred on their bus ride to the stadium when he accidentally sat on freshly chewed gum and the second when some sweaty somebody grabbed his arm for support. It was humiliating enough that some of his teammates didn't take his condition seriously, and more so when Komori left him to his own devices, but to have been spotted by a rival player? Horrifying and a dig at his pride. Or at least, that's what he initially thought.

The first thing he noticed was the bright, clementine-colored hair and a pair of amber doe eyes. “Are you okay?” He says, coaxing him at a comfortable distance, careful not to overstep. His respect for Sakusa’s boundaries was already earning him some brownie points for his list of tolerable people. And there weren’t that many. “I need you to start breathing with me. Close your mouth and inhale through your nose. One, two, three, four. That’s good. Now exhale loudly. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Repeat and keep going.”

For all the times Sakusa had used the 4-7-8 counting, he was surprised that this kid, a freshman at that, knows how to apply it. But in between calming down and the synchronized breathing, the puzzle pieces in Sakusa’s mind began to form a mental image of who was standing before him. The #10 on his Inarizaki jersey should've been an immediate, dead give-away.

“Miya Shouyou.” He introduces himself, despite Sakusa knowing exactly who was.

Ah. How the mighty have fallen. Sakusa was saved by _a freaking Miya,_ and that information alone should set all the warning bells in his head ringing to stay clear of him.

Even after pulling out some wet wipes from his fox plush, tissue holder and a hand sanitizer, or singing his praises all the way out of the restrooms after finding out he’s ‘Itachiyama’s ace’, or those adorable eyes looking at Sakusa like he’s the most amazing player in the court (he is). 

Let it be known from Komori’s rich fountain of gossip that Shouyou used to be a myth until his high school debut match during Hyogo’s qualifiers. The youngest Miya brother with high verticals and endless stamina. The kindest and friendly one, unbelievably cute too, which makes him the perfect boyfriend material. Sakusa’s boyfriend to be exact- 

Sakusa grunts, chasing those thoughts away. 

Individually, Miya Shouyou’s existence could be the sole reason why the butt-naked, cherub baby angels would end up unemployed should he enter the heavens. Grouped with his brothers, however, people would speculate who’s adopted and why Shouyou.

For starters, if the nationally-ranked teams thought the twins were a handful, then clearly they’ve not considered the horrors of adding another Miya in the set. The troublesome trio- composed of a genius setter, a versatile wing-spike, and a jack-of-all-trades middle blocker. A tag team of monsters, two of which have a horrible case of bro-com.

So it wasn’t a surprise that Sakusa knew of him already with that detailed reputation of his. That and Atsumu shoving a wallet-sized picture of his adorable baby brother, _no not Osamu that pig_ , into everyone’s face.

They shook hands before parting, Shouyou calling him his ‘fateful’ bathroom encounter of the day, to which the explanation was muddled up as Sakusa tried to figure out why the short, middle blocker's hand was abnormally hot.

Sakusa gets his answer in the next match between Inarizaki and Kamomedia when Shouyou’s labored breathing and flushed face were not caused by the intense rally, but a raging and unchecked fever. So he does what any concerned fellow volleyball player would do- intervene mid-game and personally take Shouyou to the hospital, never minding the angry foxes and confused teammates behind. 

To say Miya Shouyou was _furious_ was an understatement, but Sakusa couldn’t care less. Even though the bridal carry to the ambulance and leaving Itachiyama to fend their opponents off themselves was completely unnecessary.

There was heated exchanged after Shouyou’s check-up, words _like reckless, none of yer business,_ and _self-care_ before it somehow got to their cell phone numbers. 

You don’t fall in love in a single day, but seeds planted are seeds that will grow into budding flowers or ripe fruits nurtured with patience and proper care. 

Days bleed into months and then half a year. They’ve not seen each other since, with the distance between Tokyo to Hyogo at three-hundred, twenty-seven miles but nothing a few secret phone calls and text messages can’t close.

They talk about everything and anything- of Sakusa’s cleaning and stretching rituals before a match and Shouyou’s insistence on his natural hair color. Of Shouyou lucking out on having his own room while his older brothers have to share one with a bunk bed and Sakusa’s self-made triage before Komori can enter his space. This goes on until Spring Nationals was once again, around the corner. 

Which crosses out the number one agenda on Sakusa’s list, THE list he came up with after coming to terms with his feelings for Inarizaki’s short, middle blocker. Or so says Ushijima Wakatoshi who confirms his (pitiful) pining after repeatedly bothering his fellow ace from another team on what Shouyou means when he sends a winking kaomoji. 

Five steps to successfully becoming Miya Shouyou’s boyfriend as foretold by Sakusa Kiyoomi. Not that he’d ever give anyone the list. They’d had to pry it off his cold, dead body.

Side note, he had to be Shouyou’s boyfriend first before fully engaging with this plan. It goes like this- win Spring Nationals, confess to Miya Shouyou then outrun his brothers. Simple.

But instead, everything went south, or rather, in a different and unexpected direction- Itachiyama faces Inarizaki in the finals, Shouyou perfectly digs Sakusa’s serve in a back roll momentum, passed onto Atsumu’s perfect set and toss to Osamu’s powerful spike. The foxes win, and Shouyou publicly confesses to _him_. 

“Sakusa-san, I like you. Please go out with me!”

And Sakusa did just that. After a five miles sprint all around the stadium when the foxes decided to hunt him down that is.

Surprisingly, they were more compatible than what people gave them little credit for. And Ushijima comes home a rich man from unknowingly placing the highest bid, courtesy of Tendou Satori, on their joint eagle-weasel betting pool. His bet was that the two would start dating each other by the end of Spring Nationals. 

“I just believed in them, that’s all.” was his famous words, echoed in the hallways as Sakusa runs for his life from two angry, older brothers.

* * *

**Step 2. Get rid of the competition.**

**Komori’s advice- Put your claim on him as publicly as you can.**

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Miya Shouyou had a long line of starry-eyed admirers who continued to pursue him despite that public confession in hopes of changing his mind.

Fucking pests, in Sakusa’s opinion. Even though Shouyou had repeatedly assured both parties that a) he is already and will only be dating Sakusa Kiyoomi thank you very much and b _) ‘please believe me, Sakusa-san, I only have eyes for you.’_

Yet the couple faces rejection ironically at well, _every rejection_. Pesky suitors, if not broken-hearted are more motivated then. The trouble ranges from cringy love letters, obnoxious flirting, and downright cornering Shouyou wherever he goes as if no longer being single made him more desirable.

Homewreckers, all of them, even though he and Shouyou weren’t married (yet).

While Sakusa doesn’t do confrontations, confident that his intimidating reputation had done its worth preceding him, that doesn’t mean it always effectively works when his (unofficial but soon to be official) boyfriend goes frick-frolicking off with anyone who offers to give him a goddamn toss. The downside of being a wing-spiker meant more time flaunting over him than actually playing _with_ Shouyou.

It was then the only time Sakusa would thank god for the existence of the Miya Twins and their ability to scare people off within five miles of their radius.

But then the stunt Goshiki Tsutomu from the Shiratorizawa-Inarizaki pulled during their joint training camp happened, and that was the last straw. Who in the right mind would be _so stupid_ and _unapologetic_ enough to use a standing spike to profess his love? Mini-Ushijima wannabe that’s who. Though if anything, Shouyou being unable to block that down ball felt more annoyed than flattered. 

Not wanting to pursue murder(s) before their careers had even started, Sakusa looks to his cousin and (best) friend from another prefecture who took a three-hour-long trip, for advice. 

(They hold a five-hour conference turned impromptu sleepover instead of worrying over their final exams like normal high-schoolers.)

“Well,” Komori contemplates, fortunately taking his dilemma seriously. “Technically, you’ve not been ‘Miya-approved’ yet so it's a free estate.”

Scratch that. Screw Komori for finding amusement in his predicament. If Sakusa can’t commit a crime of passion for those who dared hit on what’s his, he’d make do with parricide instead.

“Indeed. It’s rather thoughtless of you to start dating Miya Shouyou without his family’s permission.” 

Screw Ushijima too for agreeing. 

Sakusa slumps down as his supposed support systems berate his life choices, even though it wasn’t his fault but Shouyou’s stupid admirers. 

Sakusa Kiyoomi likes labels, hoards a fuckton of sticky-notes, and masking tape to write on every object of his possession. Right now, he’d like to stamp a big “I have a boyfriend and he’s Itachiyama’s ace” in bold print across Shouyou’s lithe back or wide forehead. But he can’t do that if they’re only ‘exclusive’.

“You know how those two ruffians are. They won’t give me the shovel talk; they’ll literally use one on my head instead.”

“That’s illegal.” Ushijima frowns.

“Yeah, but so is the abomination Miya Atsumu calls his hair yet here we are.”

They all sigh dejectedly. Then Komori speaks up. “Okay, let’s scratch the brothers out of the equation for now and focus on the public. I think if you truly want people to accept your grumpy-self dating Inarizaki’s precious kit then you’ll have to be _grand_ with your gestures.”

Sakusa gives Komori a questioning look, making his cousin roll his eyes with exasperation. “You know… the usual gross couple stuff but with a huge audience in your background.”

“A-are you seriously suggesting PDA?”

“That is certainly inappropriate-

“Look, do you want my advice or not?” Ushijima stills and Sakusa hesitantly nods. “Sometimes the best way to remind people that you’re in a relationship is to show them _you’re in a relationship_.”

With no other suggestions on the table, Sakusa takes his cousin’s, even at the expense that this was completely out of character for a man of few words and fewer gestures such as himself. But anything for Shouyou, apparently.

Now Komori and Ushijima expectations were low, even lower than Atsumu’s limbo set, but _holy shit_ \- what was supposed to be a simple hand-holding, an arm on the shorter one’s waist or even updating their relationship status on Facebook, which was considered far-fetched, horribly paled in comparison at the trending picture of Miya Shouyou with a fist-size gauge on his neck.

This was made known during a weekend when notorious gossip mongrel, Suna Rintarou, posted on VInstagram what was obviously a very flushed, clementine-haired middle blocker doing a poor job covering his neck. In the background was an angry glob of gold and silver arguing about god-knows-what. It was captioned “Is his boyfriend a vampire or what?” 

They should’ve known, really. While the man valued his comfort over what others thought, it was always go big or go home with Sakusa Kiyoomi.

* * *

**Step 3. Woe the Miya Brothers, starting with Miya Osamu Moo.**

***Food is the Hail Mary***

* * *

Sakusa thanks his lucky stars that his parents are rich, otherwise, it would’ve taken three months’ worth of regular allowance to treat Miya Osamu and his bottomless stomach to a high-end buffet. In Shibuya on a Sunday no less.

This particular plan was called _the Man In the Middle_ \- operation; get the more tolerable brother of the twins on his side first. And who else best fits that description if none other than the middle child himself? 

Fortunately, the data Komori had gathered about the second brother was very detailed yet simple in a sense. Osamu likes food, all kinds of food, in fact, noted that he wasn’t a picky eater but was definitely a glutton.

“Listen, the way to Miya Osamu’s heart is to his stomach. In order to curry his favor, you have to speak his language.” 

Sakusa grunts. 

“That’s _exactly_ what I’m talking about.” Komori was exasperated. “Don’t do that.”

Now there are three phases of the plan. Number 1- divide and conquer, get Osamu’s number from the unsuspecting Shouyou on the night of their get-away sleepover. It was a once-a-month thing where Sakusa would steal his boyfriend off to Tokyo and return him in the morning through the Miya’s rose arbor. Freakin’ romantic. The only _bad_ thing about this sneaky arrangement was that they had to do it under the guise of ‘study Sundays’ with Shouyou’s other school friends. And gods did his boyfriend hate lying.

Sakusa however, never found it in himself to be guilty when it came to that, not when he gets to wake up next to clementine-colored locks forming like halos on Shouyou’s head on his pillow or sun-kissed, freckled skin in a lithe body sprawled around his dull sheets. A simple ‘good morning, Sakusa-san.’ would make his entire day worth living.

So no, Sakusa didn’t feel _a single_ twinge of guilt as he types in his boyfriend’s passcode, 1010, to get his brother’s info. Shouyou then mumbles something in his sleep, eyebrows scrunching in confusion as he reaches out to the empty space of their shared bed. Sakusa immediately holds onto his palms, his very callous palms from all the freaky spikes and blocks he does and laces their fingers together.

Shouyou smiles in his sleep, and Sakusa’s heart swells.

Okay, maybe he does feel a little bit of guilt but this was for them. And Sakusa was going to tell Shouyou, eventually.

Enter Number 2- the art of conviction. The hard part of the plan involving a lot of money per food plate and a fuck ton of awkward conversation thinly veiled with begging. 

“Um, Miya, you must be wondering why I called you out here today. I need to tell you something, and I appreciate it if you’d let me finish before responding.” 

Osamu however, pointedly ignores him in favor of baked Alaska. The whole fucking platter with the pastry on fire. “Do ya have a fetish fer Miyas or somethin’?”

“E-excuse me?”

“Well, yer a damn creep fer my younger brother. Midnight phone calls and all, whisperin’ filth we can hear through the damn thin walls. ‘Tsumu’s a questionable option but I suppose _there is_ sexual tension between ya two since yer both _always_ ready to throw hands on and off-court. But now yer asking me on a secret date, cheatin' on poor Shou-kun. So what gives?”

Sakusa huffs, not bothering to dignify that with a response he’s not sure he could even come up with. _Sure_ he calls Shouyou at an ungodly hour, but who in their right mind would even consider eavesdropping? And yes, this entire meeting was a secret, but it was anything but a date.

AND DON’T GET HIM STARTED ON THE DISGUSTING PRESUMPTION ABOUT HIM AND MIYA FUCKING ATSUMU-

The look on Osamu’s face confirms this, smug and amused betraying his cool facade. Bastard was screwing with him from the start. But before Sakusa could finally retort, Osamu was already one foot off their table to fill his plate for the nth time.

Sakusa sighs dejectedly. He _does not_ have a Miya fetish, he’d rather drink bleach than profess his undying love for either of the hellion twins, but maybe, _just maybe_ , a Shouyou fetish. As creepy as that sounds, it was only natural for someone who was dating him. Bad enough for the suckers who wish they were Sakusa though. 

“Okay.” Osamu sat back with three plates full of English muffins, cheese, and sausages. Great, he was still on the breakfast course.

“Okay?”

“Ya wanna date my younger brother legally.”

_Legally?_ More like officially but Sakusa wasn’t in any position to make corrections in their bargain. “Yes. It would mean the world to Shouyou if you approve.”

“Okay.”

Sakusa sputters. “O-okay?” he repeats dumbly.

Osamu shrugs, biting the sausage clean off his fork before pointing a bread knife at him. “Everyone already knows yer together anyways, not that ye were subtle ‘bout it in the first place.” Sakusa visibly cringes. “But I understand, and I appreciate ya doin’ this for him.”

“You do?”

Osamu nods, putting his weapon down. “Look, Shouyou-kun’s dating life is his own. But ya oughtta know ‘bout his previous suitors, ex-boyfriends, and ex-girlfriends, and their tendencies ta put him on this ‘pedestal’.” He gives him an air quote. “They think he’s sunshine and flowers but the moment he acts out the way they don’t expect him to, they flat out bail.”

Steel gray eyes ground Sakusa on his seat. “ _You_ , as his supposed boyfriend of five months, haven’t thrown him under the bus… yet.”

“With all due respect, Miya, Shouyou _is_ sunshine and flowers but he’s also a volleyball otaku. And reckless, and crazy athletic. I can never fathom how one minute he’s an endless ball of energy on court then flat-out dies after one math problem.” Sakusa pauses mid-rant when he hears Osamu chuckles. “Just because I put him up there, doesn’t mean I won’t catch him when he falls.”

There was a moment of silence before Osamu breaks character and throws his head back to laugh. It was offending on Sakusa’s part, and disturbing for the other customers around them.

“Didn’t peg ya to be a romantic, Omi-kun.”

Sakusa shrugs, not bothering to address the horrible nickname. “That’s because you hardly know me, Miya.”

With the air clear, they finish their breakfast course and proceed to the lunch booth, though Sakusa could only eat so much before feeling his stomach bloat.

“Well I’m sold but,” Osamu contemplates for a moment, choosing his words carefully. “It’s ‘Tsumu yer gonna have a harder time ta convince.”

The day would’ve ended with the plan hailed as a success and Osamu promoted somewhere in Sakusa’s list of tolerable people. Until they went for desserts that is. Whoever said the middle child was the most reasonable and agreeable Miya clearly did not see that his personality is worse than of Atsumu’s, he’s just more subtle about it.

* * *

**Step 4. Caution. Miya Fucking Atsumu is a dick, but in Shouyou’s eyes, he is the best.**

* * *

Sakusa Kiyoomi’s wrists has a use for a lot of things- service aces, spiking a ball with an unpredictable rotation in tow, or Shouyou simply holding onto them, eyes wide with fascination as he gently bends and pulls his palms at different angles, just to name a few.

His flexible joints are _so otherworldly_ that it attributes to an increase in his power. So powerful it seems that Sakusa had almost dislocated Miya Atsumu’s jaw when his fist connected with the blond’s hideous, smug fucking face.

Sakusa inwardly feels like he needs to apologize to Osamu, and maybe Shouyou but that’ll have to wait when the duo returns home alive.

If they return home alive. 

Now normally this kind of misconduct would have resulted in getting kicked out of All-Japan’s Youth training camp, but the two were _mercifully_ given a slap on the wrist instead. This happens because they were nationally ranked players on their final year in camp, and upon careful consideration, was dismissed as a small scuffle between two rivals who couldn’t settle their dispute on court.

But how on earth did Sakusa Kiyoomi find himself in this rather, p _eculiar predicament_ , where his strictly 9:00 pm, sleep-scheduled butt is stuck cleaning gymnasium 2B with one, Miya Atsumu? It starts like this- Itachiyama once again qualifies for Spring Nationals, so does Inarizaki. Sakusa and Komori are invited to All-Youth Japan’s training camp for one last ride. Atsumu also shows up, just unexpectedly alone but more hostile and ready to throw hands at every unfortunate soul who comes across his way.

Now call it the boyfriend bias, but Sakusa was expecting Shouyou to have been invited this year, considering his performance during Interhigh was anything but short. Save for his height, but that’s beside the point. Not even Osamu was around. 

The first day of practice went smoothly. They do their introductions, eat their meals, and scout out the new faces before heading to their designated rooms. Normally Atsumu would’ve been leading the official, unofficial initiation club as an upperclassman. Poor Kageyama Tobio had to go through it during his freshman year with his face full of shaving cream. Now the tyrant king of Karasuno’s court wields that power over their underclassmen, resulting in three lackeys buying his premium, vanilla milk three convenience stores away.

Good for him.

On Atsumu’s end, however, none of the sorts happens. Just a brooding, literally piss-blond setter chewing everyone who can’t hit his tosses out.

In retrospect, _it is_ the spiker’s job to hit the ball set to them, especially ones made by Japan’s number one setter. But that doesn’t make it any easier to do so, to match Atsumu’s tempo and quickly act on it. Especially not when he’s being unfair, purposely unpredictable, and difficult to read. That’s why on the third day of training when Sakusa missed a particularly high set obviously made to be out of his reach, he _snapped_.

That and Miya called him a scrub.

“What is your problem?” he hisses, to which Atsumu had the gall to look unimpressed. As if it’s Sakusa’s fault he didn’t, _couldn’t_ , jump that high.

“I don’t know what yer talkin’ bout, Omi-kun.” The way his eyes, the same shade of gold he shares with Shouyou, looks at him with conceit. “Could it be, yer blamin’ me for fallin’ behind? Yer really hurting my feelings.”

Atsumu doesn’t stop there, even at the expense of a small crowd forming around them. “I put a lot into my tosses, so try to make an effort to hit ‘em, kay?” 

“Bold claims for someone whose head is so far up their ass they can’t separate their emotional turmoil from practice. It's day three Miya, I think everyone here can agree that we’re sick of you throwing your tantrums.” 

“Just admit ya couldn’t spike in time, Omi-kun, and I’ll give ya another one. Though even a lazy slug like ‘Samu could’ve hit that.”

“Oh? If that’s the case then why isn’t your dear brother joining us today, or Shouyou for the matter?”

“Don’t ya dare say his name so casually ya fuckin’-

That seems to hit a nerve. “ _You’re_ a fucking asshole, Miya, and while you take pride rolling in that shit stain, I don’t think your brothers do.”

“Ki-Kiyo-chan I think that’s enough-”

“I heard from a grapevine that one of them we’re actually invited but had to decline for personal reasons.”

“Sakusa I’m fuckin’ warning ya. Do.not.try.me.”

“But I’m certain it’s because of you.” 

It happened so fast that no one was able to anticipate Atsumu decking him a good two to three meters across the court. Out of reflex, or perhaps it was his thin line of patience for the blond setter finally snapping, Sakusa punches Atsumu in the face.

Needless to say, the unfortunate players who pulled them apart didn’t get out unscathed either.

They receive their punishments hours later, where after eight hours of grueling practice, the two are required to stay and clean up at gymnasium 2B. Fortunately, the spare building was the same size as their school’s, unfortunately, they barely get any work done with Atsumu’s inability to clean as he’d rather bore holes at the back of Sakusa’s head. Hell, the wing-spiker had been doing 98% of the day’s work from mopping the floors _impeccably_ spotless to disinfecting the air smelling of feet and wet socks with fresh lavender. Atsumu thinks bringing the net down counts.

Then it’s day ten and Sakusa’s hardly made any progress.

Ushijima scolds him for his blunder through a phone call in between their breaks. His best friend had made Division 1, Schweiden Adler’s reserve team, and is busy as a working bee yet finds time to update himself on Sakusa’s love life as well as provide insights on how to befriend one Miya Atsumu, despite being socially awkward himself.

Because how do introverts make friends? The answer is _they don’t_. An extrovert adopts them. While Ushijima has the useful Tendou Satori (who gave Sakusa the advice to put a large hickey on Shouyou’s neck for the entire v-league to see), Sakusa, unfortunately, has Komori Motoya.

Somewhere in the building’s dormitory, Komori sneezes.

Though Sakusa thinks another betting pool is behind this but chooses to appreciate the gesture instead. Ushijima would never use their friendship like that.

(Spoiler alert, his so-called best friend has a ten thousand yen bid on him getting Miya Atsumu on his tolerable people list.) 

A rather obnoxious ringtone from his phone snaps Sakusa out of his thoughts. He had only reserved that for one person and it sure as hell wasn’t Ushijima, despite greeting him with his name as he heads out the gymnasium. That should put Atsumu’s curiosity to rest. 

_“Since you called me ‘Wakatoshi’, pray tell, is ‘Tsumu-nii close?”_

“Shouyou.” Sakusa finally says his name, ever so fondly. He hasn’t heard from his boyfriend since he arrived at the camp, opting to let them both focus on training first. “You know the drill.”

A soft chuckle. _“So how have you been? It’s rare for you to pick up at this hour, let alone be near my brother.”_

“Who knows? You’re the one who called.” Sakusa wasn’t hiding anything. Nope. He definitely _did not_ not tell Shouyou that he had punched his beloved older brother in the face.

_“Yet you picked up without a single ring amiss. Could it be, your serving punishment by cleaning out the facility’s smallest gym?”_

Screw Tendou Satori.

_“And before you get mad at Tendou-san, he heard it from Ushijima-san.”_

Screw Ushijima Wakatoshi.

_“Who heard it from Motoya-san.”_

Gods, why were his friends like that? After this, Sakusa was definitely going to make changes with his friendship contracts, make them sign every page of the renewed version, and pay a penalty fee.

_“Kiyoomi-san.”_

“Shouyou.” He repeats. “He started it.”

He felt like he was being treated like a child, and Shouyou tells him he’s acting like one anyway despite the endearment in his tone. _“I’m not mad,”_ he assures him after a bit of taunting. Let it be known that while Miya Shouyou was an angel to everyone, but there were instances where he wasn’t to Sakusa. Boyfriend rights, he supposed. _“But I thought you were trying to get along with him?”_

“He’s making it really difficult for everyone not to sock him in the face right now.”

_“... I see.”_

“Did anything happen before he left for camp?”

Shouyou took a while to answer, which Sakusa takes as a yes. _“I know he can be such a jerk sometimes, but I swear, he’s not bad. ‘Tsumu-nii’s just going through something, and it would be nice if someone could perhaps, hear him out?”_

“Even though he stole your strawberry pudding stock?”

_“Yes. Even though he- HE WHAT?”_

“Gotta go love, he’s here.”

Sakusa hangs up just in time to see Atsumu staring him down with distaste.

“Ushijima my ass. Ya seriously think bitchin’ out on my brother is gonna earn ya some sympathy points for assaultin’ me?”

He rolls his eyes. “We were just catching up. Not everything’s about you, Miya.”

“Of fucking course.” Atsumu stalks off. “Cause I’m a self-centered prick who doesn’t give no flyin’ fuck ‘bout everyone’s feelings. As if they give a damn ‘bout mine anyways.”

Normally Sakusa would’ve agreed in a heartbeat if the self-deprecation wasn’t out of place. That and Atsumu never agree with him unless they were begrudgingly playing on the same side of the court.

Which gives him an idea.

“Miya!” He calls out before the blond completely retreats into the storage room. “Toss to me.”

Atsumu arches an eyebrow at him. He was warranted to be suspicious but at the same time, he clearly needed to blow off some steam. “M’kay.”

Sakusa manages eight successful spikes out of ten sets, two of which he missed at the lack of speed and verticals but unlike the cause of their spat, the fault clearly lies with him. “Again,” he tells Atsumu who grins maniacally in return. Nothing fuels Atsumu’s ego more than his wing spikers demanding for his sets.

They go on like this until the entire cart is out of volleyballs, with Atsumu sprawled on the ground like a vegetable and Sakusa out of breath as he leans for support into one of the poles. If there’s anything he has learned about the troublesome trio is that when troubled and their ears are filled with cotton, the only language that could go through them is volleyball.

“So,” he starts. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on with that head of yours? Not that it takes up a lot of space, anyway."

Atsumu scoffs. “Why do ya care?”

“I don’t.” Sakusa immediately answers before wincing. Ushijima had always reminded him to work on his tact and honesty, which was non-existent save for the latter. “But Shouyou does. He’s really worried.”

The blond setter doesn’t answer for a while, opting to stare into the gymnasium’s vast ceiling instead. For a moment Sakusa thinks Atsumu would get up and leave, rightfully so if he had overstepped his boundaries, but instead, he says this. “‘Samu’s quittin’ volleyball after Spring Nationals. Gonna fuck off to cooking school or somethin’.”

“You mean culinary school.” Sakusa definitely did not play a hand in that, even after accidentally introducing Osamu to this one chef,*Isshiki Satoshi, who specializes in traditional Japanese cuisine. _Nope._ It wasn’t his fault the middle Miya child was hit with some sort of revelation after taking a bite of his god expensive onigiri. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Atsumu laughs, voice devoid of actual cheerfulness akin to how he does whenever Shouyou does their freak quick. “That’s not the worst of it. Even Shouyou-kun’s going to Brazil to play _beach volleyball_. I could already see it in Suna’s gossip blog, the story behind the Troublesome Trio’s famous break-up, they couldn’t stand to breathe in the same room as their older brother.” 

_Oh._ Oh shit Sakusa did not know that and Atsumu’s eyes immediately widened in shock, mirroring his expression. “Fuck, he’s not gonna talk to me after this.”

“N-no. I think I’ll wait it out for him to tell me himself but,” Sakusa sits down, never minding the floor he had scrubbed clean was muddled with dirt again. He and his boyfriend will have to talk when he gets back, preferably after Spring Nationals. “Thanks for telling me though.”

“Yer not mad?”

“Mad, no. Upset, yeah. But even though Shouyou's never bought it up, I suppose I had it coming. He kept going on and about _how cool_ it was to defend their side of the court with only two people.”

_“He’s leaving.”_

“So long as it’s not our relationship he’s walking away from, then I can live with that,” then Sakusa’s nose scrunches at how romantic he sounded. “And if it’s for volleyball, I’ll support him whenever.”

That gets Atsumu cackling. “Yeah, cause only bat-shit, crazy people would travel half-way around the world to get better and play volleyball.”

Somewhere across the globe and underneath the blue skies of Argentina, Oikawa Tooru sneezes.

“You do realize they’re not leaving you, nor is it your fault right? It’s normal for siblings to want different things, but that doesn’t mean they won’t stop supporting each other.”

“Are ya speakin’ from experience?”

“Shut up.”

A comfortable silence blankets them. “Ya know Omi-kun, I’d be okay with Shouyou-kun dating if it’s you. I think.”

Sakusa snorts out of habit and Atsumu laughs.

“I deserve that. I wasn’t exactly welcoming when I found out.”

“You put mayonnaise on the court’s ball before serving it straight at me.”

“That was Suna’s idea!”

“It was disgusting.”

“So was listenin’ to yer midnight calls, ya creep.”

Sakusa was flabbergasted. “You’re the creep!”

“Is that how ya talk to yer future in-laws? Cause that’s a red flag.”

“Whatever, Miya.”

It may not show, but Sakusa was smiling underneath his mask. Really. 

* * *

Miya Fucking Atsumu was a dick to everyone and Miya Osamu Moo never shares his food, except towards their youngest brother- Miya sunshine-incarnate Shouyou with his bright, amber doe eyes and clementine-colored hair he used to hate _so much_ because it stood out until the twins gave him a reason not to.

They made him a decoy whose job is to command attention on and off the court at the same time, also dying their hairs in loud colors to make Shouyou less conscious about his.

It was evident that the hellion twins loved him very much, incomparable to the long line of admirers putting out their affection towards Shouyou, which was why they were so overprotective with him. Their baby brother deserved the best that they’d be willing to chase any shallow-minded intruder to the depths of hell should they even think about looking at Shouyou twice.

Fortunately, Sakusa Kiyoomi does not scare easily.

Except to cockroaches, as no one is safe when those things start flying.

* * *

**Step 5. Go on your official, first date. Return Miya Shouyou at 8 pm sharp.**

**Side note: No specific day when was specified.**

* * *

With the twin’s blessings and promises of no murder, Sakusa brazenly decides to pick up his boyfriend from their house in front of his family, feeling somewhat relieved that they no longer had to sneak through the back door or the window. But that doesn’t mean he was completely out of the woods yet.

Fortunately, Miya Kaede was a spirited and open-minded character, immediately welcoming him into their humble abode with a bone-crushing hug. Sakusa could tell that this was definitely where Shouyou got his cheery nature, as well as the loud color of his hair. He hands him his peace offerings, to which she joyfully accepts.

“Oranges, seriously?” says Osamu, unamused and still sleep-drunk as he comes down the stairs and into the living room. Sakusa is horrified at his clothes, or lack of, as he parades his rice ball patterned boxers without shame. 

“They’re clementines.” the Miya matriarch huffs, slightly embarrassed of her twins’ state and inability to tell the citruses apart. “I’m sorry; we don’t usually greet their guests lookin’ like a group of uncivilized ragamuffins.”

Sakusa offers a smile. “It’s okay. I’m used to it.” He was just lucky not to be on the same team as them, for god knows how their locker room sessions would go. 

Across him was a middle-aged man with inky black hair and strands of silver, looking like an older version of Osamu. Someone who was obviously of few words like Sakusa’s very serious father, save for the fact he was reading his newspaper upside down as he assessed his son’s boyfriend from the makeshift peephole. Fortunately, Sakusa woke at the crack of dawn to put on his best, lilac dress shirt and comb the fluffs of his hair.

He was immaculate. The single nod of his boyfriend’s father confirms this.

Next comes Atsumu, bare chest and in his sweat pants as if he went out for his morning run half-naked. Kaede looks mortified, instantly smacking him with a tea towel as the eldest Miya unapologetically makes his way to the kitchen counter. Standing next to Osamu, he swipes his brother’s milk carton to chug on it, followed by a loud burp.

Their eyes meet Sakusa, the corner of their lips tugged in a smirk.

_Oh._

Now Sakusa had a hint of what they were doing. The twins always regaled in their pigsty, but now they were outright throwing it in Sakusa’s face to get a germaphobe’s reaction out of him.

They wanted to freak him out. In front of their parents. 

“Stop embarrassing me!” Shouyou finally comes down, dressed in a white cardigan and pale jeans. He looked absolutely adorable.

“Sunday best?” Atsumu cackles as if his younger brother was trying too hard. Shouyou huffs his cheeks red before stomping on Atsumu’s feet.

“We’ll be going then!”

“Ah, but ya haven’t had yer breakfast yet love,” says Kaede, ruffling his locks as Shouyou presses a swift kiss on her cheek. He does the same with their father like the goddamn angel he was. Sakusa patiently waits for his turn. 

“It’s okay Ma, we’re going to a special restaurant in Skytree.”

“Must be nice,” Osamu pouts. “Take me there next time, Omi-kun.”

“He’s mine!” Shouyou puts a possessive arm around Sakusa who fails to hide the crimson blooming on his cheeks. Perhaps he shouldn’t have removed his facemask after all. 

“Well, ya better get goin’ then. The trains to Tokyo are awfully crowded on the weekends.”

“Oh, he’s actually gonna drive us.”

Atsumu _chokes_ on his milk, instantly spitting off his mouth and blowing his nose into Osamu who socks him in return.

“Drive safe. Have him home by 8 pm sharp,” says their father, and Sakusa bows in respect, which happens to be the greatest mistake of his life.

The unforgettable event is a ten seconds sequence that scarred the Miya twins for life. It goes like this- Sakusa’s fat wallet falls off, some bills show as does his student ID. Nothing out of the ordinary, save for the wad of cash, had it not been the citrus-colored packet that followed.

A single condom foil in all its shiny glory.

“Oh my.”

“Hm.”

“K-Kiyoomi-san?!”

Shouyou’s shriek snaps the Miya twins out of their stupor as they take their wide eyes off the offending object and to Sakusa’s gaping form.

“What the -

“FUCK?!”

Sakusa’s thoughts immediately retreat back to the sunflowers in his funerals, Shouyou’s widow speech, and his will-reading.

“Run!” Shouyou pulls his hand, a quick swipe at the almost forgotten wallet on the floor as they jump off the open window and into the mother Miya’s poor chrysanthemums. They barely had the time to dust the golden petals off before sprinting across the gardens and into the gate with the Miya twins hot on their trails.

“Yer not gettin’ away ya goddamn pervert!” yells Osamu before tragically tripping on a sprinkler. Atsumu makes good of his twin’s sacrifice as he uses Osamu’s muddied and fallen body as a literal stepping stone to jump over the gate.

“Sakusa Kiyoomi!” his eyes were red as an angry bull at on a tournament, prompting Sakusa to hastily jam the key into his car and hands immediately on the wheel while Shouyou shuts the door on his brothers’ faces. 

They drive off with an angry, shirtless blond in pursuit, not even stopping when their neighborhood's policeman cuffs Atsumu for his indecent public display of nudity. 

It was only when they were miles away did Shouyou throw his head back in laughter. Sakusa follows, albeit more subtly, as he openly smiles without the obstruction of his usual facemask. They agree that _that_ was one chaotic morning.

“I love you,” Shouyou says earnestly, a hand reaching to brush Sakusa’s from the gearstick. “So much.”

To which Sakusa responds in the only way he knew how- with a grunt. 

**00**

Komori Motoya sneaks into his cousin’s room the moment he leaves for school, opting to miss the first period like the irresponsible third-year student he was in favour of snooping around for the 'evidence'.

His nose scrunches at the sight of the triage table. Seriously, Sakusa was getting more creative and annoying every day as entry into his private space now requires a medical certificate.

But careful not to garner any more suspicions, especially at the expense of bribing the older Sakusa with expensive coffee in exchange of not letting their little brother know Komori snuck into his room, he heads to Sakusa’s bedside drawers to look for the navy blue wallet he had recently bought on the trip to the Miya household last Sunday. Now the lovesick fool uses a clementine-colored one, with a fennec-fox plush keychain, courtesy of his boyfriend.

“It’s gone.” His fingers shook in revelation. “Oh my god, it’s actually gone!”

“You sure?” Ushijima's voice resounds through his phone, his face horribly pressed on the Skype frame.

“I can’t believe it.” Komori falls down on his knees. “Kiyo-chan actually used the condom I left on his wallet for good luck!”

“Good on him for being safe.” Ushijima nods in approval.

“Yeah, well good on _you_ for winning the entire lot, again.”

The most recent bet was on Sakusa Kiyoomi’s sex life, a special number on that god awful list he made. Apparently, the couple will have to rush a few experiences considering that Shouyou was leaving for Brazil in two years’ time.

Ushijima may not show it, but he was sporting the biggest, shit-eating grin his stoic face could muster as he goes on and about his day in practice with the Adlers, a heavy 80,000 yen to be wired through his account come night time.

**Author's Note:**

> “You mean culinary school.” Sakusa definitely did not play a hand in that, even after accidentally introducing Osamu to this one chef,*Isshiki Satoshi, who specializes in traditional Japanese cuisine. Nope. It wasn’t his fault the middle Miya child was hit with some sort of revelation after taking a bite of his god expensive onigiri. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
> 
> Shokugeki no Soma reference!


End file.
